Oh month of March....

          March. Ohhhhh March. I am so glad to see you go. You were so very long and almost seemed never ending. You brought my family lots of up and downs and now I am welcoming April with open arms. Audriana received her first, second and what will be her last conformer which opened up my baby girls eye and made us so happy, but you also brought us the news that our dear would never see out of that eye. We visited family we do not often see, but put my father in the hospital from a stroke. Yes, I am definitely glad to see you go. Now April, a little advice for you. Bring my father home in good health soon! He has been in the hospital far too long, 10 days to be exact too long. Also make sure that Audriana's prosthetic eye that she will be getting the end of the month, is a perfect match and somehow makes our beautiful doll even more beautiful. Just so you know this will be nearly impossible to do because it does not get much more beautiful than her, but you can most definitely try. I am an optimistic person so I have good hopes for you April and I think you will pull through for us. Do not let us down! Oh, and try to lay off of those April showers some.

Audriana's so very loved Grandpa....

          Audriana's grandpa, my dad, is in need of many prayers! Dads speech had been a bit off for a week or two, as well as maybe his vision, but I attributed it to getting older. My aunt, uncle and dads cousin were visiting last Friday night and noticed something was not right. Everyone thought stroke and tried to get my dad to go to the hospital, but being the stubborn man he is, he would not go. So my aunt called me the next morning, Saturday, asking if I had talked to my dad and I said of course. I was actually over at my parents. She said she still felt uneasy about my dad and asked if I did not think he had possibly had a stroke. As I started to think about it and researched stroke symptoms, I was then convinced too! After much nagging, I finally got my dad to go to the ER. The first order of business was to get my dads sustained heart rate of 130 down. After multiple doses of meds, they were able to get it down into the 90's. This slower rate revealed an A Fib heart rhythm, best explained as a quivering of the upper chamber of the heart. This can cause blood to pool and clot, and increasing a risk for a stroke. Turns out a CT scan did show damage from a stroke. They however, were unable to tell if it was sudden or accumulative. They would have liked to do an MRI, but dad has a pacemaker so that is not an option. It is now Monday afternoon and I believe they have the heart issue under control with some new meds, but I am still not positive on this. We are still waiting to hear from his speech therapist. They are thinking not only was his speech affected, but his throat muscles as well causing difficulty in swallowing. These muscles will obviously have to be built back up and they can be, thank God! Mom said last she had heard the therapy would be for a few weeks several hours a day, but I am not 100% on this. I am just hoping he will not have to stay in the hospital especially considering he did not even want to go to begin with. Prayers are definitely appreciated for a full recovery as well as getting these heart issues taken care of because we do not want any more strokes or heart attacks for sure! I feel my dad maybe dodged a huge bullet that this seems to be all that was affected because I have heard numerous stories of strokes doing a lot more damage. Praying for a full recovery and many, many, MANY more years with my wonderful father and lots of playtime for Audriana and her Grandpa!

          It is now a bit after 2 and I have some more news. The heart doctor came in and talked to dad and said he was having A-Flutter, we had been told A-Fib. They are both treated the same way to my understanding though. They are putting him on Coumadin. This means he must have his blood monitored every 2 weeks! Speech therapist says liquids are going down the wrong way and dad will have to thicken up all liquids. Still not sure about ongoing therapy. His heart echo showed no blockage or clots, so this is terrific news. Now we just need to figure out how long he has to stay in the hospital, how long he will have to have this modified diet which restricts him from so much (meats also have to be grinded up), and how long his therapy will last. Geez dad get healthy and stuff! We need you home and Audriana misses her grandpa!

          Yet another update! It is now April 5th around 1:00 in the afternoon. Dad is now on day 10 of his hospital stay. Doctors have been unable to find the right med to bring his heart rate down, but not his blood pressure. The current med they put him on shows some hope, so we are praying it works. His speech has improved tremendously, but still a bit raspy. He has to thicken all liquids and eat meals that only include things that are easy to go down. Meaning basically a lot of ground meat in gravy, green beans, and mashed potatoes. How boring! I have been spending some time with dad this morning and was able to speak with his heart doctor. The game plan is as follows. In the hopes that this new med continues to work and his breathing improves (breathing decreased due to his weakened heart), dad is looking at coming home tomorrow or the next day. He did have a clot and that is what caused the stroke, but the Coumadin should thin out the clots to prevent another stroke. His heart rate is increased due to the A-fib and A-flutter. The doctors will give dad about 4-6 weeks to heal from the stroke and then they will do an outpatient procedure to shock his heart back into rhythm. Once back into rhythm his heart rate should come down. Continued prayers for my dad are much appreciated! We love him so very much and need him home. Audriana misses her grandpa so very much!

It's the final countdown....

          I'm breaking away for a moment from our story to update on our darling Audriana! Audriana was fitted with her second and last conformer on monday! For anyone that does not know what a conformer is, its a clear acrylic shell that fits over her eye to help fill the eye cavity since her eye can not. An impression was taken of the inside of her socket over her eye, to get a custom fit. The conformers help with stretching and preparing the socket for a painted prosthetic eye when ready and fit over her eye, as will the prosthetic.We are lucky and blessed enough that her micro eye, eye socket, and opening are actually large enough that she does not need much prep work so to speak and my baby girl will have two big brown eyes in a month! I have such mixed feeling about it and wow it will be different to see her with two brown eyes, but I'm sure it will be everyday business as usual before long with occasional moments of amazement sprinkled throughout! I am so nervous about how it will look. Will it move well with her left eye, will her Ocularist get an exact match to her left eye, and will people be able to notice!?! I will also miss seeing her beautiful little iridescent eye everyday. It makes her, her and now she will look like everyone else, kind of bitter sweet. It is removable, so it is really no big deal. I have to keep reminding myself to leave it in God's hands and he will take care of everything, but UGH so hard to do for a sometimes, um well all of the time, control freak like me. April 26th and 27th are the big days! It is a 2 day process and what I feel like is almost the first day of a new life for my little stinker. I cannot express how much I love my little girl and feel so crazy blessed that she is the beautiful, happy spirited baby girl that she is! Prayers are always appreciated and we feel so blessed to have such great friends and family and are so glad people care enough to follow the story of our little angel! Thanks for caring! : )

The day you were born....

          Remember how I said that I had Audriana's whole life planned out way before she was ever born.... well, that took a slight detour.
          When Audriana was born, everything seemed to go at rapid speed. There was no offering of cutting the cord or me holding her. They quickly swooped her up and evaluated her. Out of 10, her Apgars score was a 4! I was told my little miss decided to go boo boo while still in mommy, gross baby girl! Her second reading 10 minutes later gave us a 9, things looking up. At this point I still had not held her and would not get to until many hours later. Heart breaking! The nurse said she felt it best that she be taken right away to the nursery for closer observation. I noticed at this time that something did not look quite right with her eye.
          Everything is still pretty fuzzy from that day, but I think it was about 4-5 hours later when our doll was brought back in our room, a new room I want to add. With a nonworking air system in August! All we pretty much had was a fan that really did not do the trick, but back to my doll baby. She was so beautiful! I asked again about her eye. I thought it was swollen, however Eric pointed out to me how that did not make sense, because her other eye was larger. We were so confused. I kept asking people about her eye and a meeting was set up for her to see a childrens eye doctor across the street at Children's Hospital about an hour later if memory serves. After just getting my doll, she was being pulled away again! Eric, my aunt Carol, and uncle James along with a nurse, took baby Audriana through the underground tunnel to see Dr. Gitschlag. I stayed in constant contact through phone calls and text. Everyone came back with optimistic thoughts that Audriana had a bit of a smaller eye, but that vision in this eye was still not only possible, but probably for sure.
          We stayed in the hospital until friday August 6th, an extra day for mommy to rest and for baby to be closer observed. While in the nursery and one of her check ups, we were told she had a bit of a choking spell and oxygen had to be applied. It was on this day that a different doctor from her pediatricians office came in to talk to us. There was a different one everyday, however all seemed optimistic about her eye, but this one. He came in and in a matter of fact way said, so I understand from speaking with the nurses that your daughter has a small eye and will not have any vision out of it correct? My heart sank, as Im sure Eric's did too. I got a huge lump in my throat and choked back tears. We quickly corrected him that no we were told she probably would have vision and this is when the probability that our beautiful, wonderful, amazing, perfect little baby may never have vision out of her right eye. Blind in one eye. Four words that I would not be able to say for sometime without streams of tears flowing from my eyes. We held eachother and cried. Ours lives had been completely thrown upside down and that certain future was not so certain anymore.
          Its time to get ready to take my gal to the park, so I will say bye for now and our continue our story later! Blessings to all and thanks for reading! : )

In the beginning....

          I found out late November of '09 that Eric and I were expecting a bundle of joy. We were so excited and of course me being the crazy person I am, I had pretty much planned out his or her future. My first trimester was kind of rough and my morning sickness was not just morning at all, but all day sickness. At this point I had a sneaking suspicion that our growing peanut was a baby girl. I even looked at her 13 week ultrasound pics and tried to see the 'angle of the dangle' haha. Names were running through our brains, but no names were settled on until much later, however I always kind of knew our peanut was our Audriana. Mothers intuition I suppose.
          Second trimester came and we found out my suspicions were true! ITS A GIRL! This momma was so happy to hear that news! I was also diagnosed with kidney stones about a week later! I had never had kidney stones and never want them again! Those things are vicious! I was unable to pass it on my own and was hospitalized and a stent was placed. My life was miserable at this point with pain and discomfort. It was hard to focus on our growing doll, but the world must go on and planning for a baby shower and finding a new place to live was in order. Thankfully after a month of having the stent, I talked my doctor into removing it. One of the best days of my life!
          May rolls around and with it brings my 30th birthday and the official naming of our doll... Audriana Kiara! I do not know where the name Audriana came from, but it was in my head from basically the beginning and I knew that was suppose to be her name and might I add it is so fitting. Kiara comes from my name, Kimberly and my bestfriend/mothers name, Sara. I was starting to get pretty big and the weather was starting to get pretty hot, but the joy of having this doll growing inside of me was an unexplainable joy! I will not lie, I am not one of those people that loved being pregnant, but to be growing a life inside of you is just an absolute miracle and the blessing of it really changed me.
          June came and boy was I even bigger. Stretch marks began to make their ugly debut, YUCK, and baby showers were in full swing. My first shower was the family and friends shower. My aunt threw me the most beautiful and fun shower I think a gal could have! I still get teary eyed at this moment thinking about the amazing time I had. I have the best family and friends in the world and when I say they showered me with gifts and love I really do mean it! My 3 hour shower was spent with a whole hour and a half of it opening presents! Wow how blessed am I!?! My second shower was my work shower, which again was a blessing with great friends and some family. I had received so much from my first shower, that all we really needed was diapers and boy did my co-workers come through. I received enough diapers and wipes that I only recently, and my daughter is 7 months old, had to buy more! We still have enough soap and lotions for probably years to come! My boss was kind enough to get us one of the more pricier items that we needed as a office gift and we got enough gift cards and money to purchase so much more! I was extremely in shock and truly felt so blessed by all we got. I never knew I was so loved!
          July was there before I knew it and we had been in our new place for 2 months. We were getting the finishing touches done on our Audriana's room and starting to get so excited for our girl to arrive. Eric done such a terrific job painting her room that I told him he should go into business haha. The last week of July I started my maternity leave and boy was I as big as a house! I gained 37 lbs total, but I feel like it looked like 100! I had one of my routine OB visits on Monday Aug. 2nd and an induction time was set. I was disappointed because I really wanted Audriana to pick her own birthday, but was happy to be meeting her soon. My induction was set for Aug. 4th at 7 am. On Aug. 3rd, my due date, Eric and I were downstairs getting everything prepared for our hospital trip the next morning when.... pop! My water breaks! It was about 10:30 pm and I actually was not sure if it was my water or if I was just continually peeing myself haha. It was my water though. We arrived at the hospital around 12:30 am and my contractions started soon after. I had went into it not wanting an epidural at all, but everyone scared me half to death saying 'Oh its your first, you will be in labor for 14-24 hours at least!' What! 14-24 hours!?! No way! So I took the epidural. I regret this now because miss Audriana had plans to get here quick. After dilating from 3 to 10 in a hour, she was ready to come. 40 minutes later of pushing on August 4, 2010 at 5:50 am, our little lady was finally here! The most happy/scary/depressing/all kinds of mixed emotions day in my life! That is all I have time for for now, but Ill be pick back up here in my next post which will be soon! Have a blessed day : )